The Flagshit of God-Fiction

The Mark (2012)

Directed By: James Chankin

Written By: Paul Duran, Leland Jourdan & John Patus

Produced By: James Chankin

Starring: Craig Sheffer, Eric Roberts & Gary Daniels

Rating: 0 out 5 Stars

The Testimony of Chad (Part 2 of 3: Chest-deep in the Trinity Myth)

Fuck!!!...my "Mark of the Beast" tattoo really itches…I know being a Hollywood actor is tough, but do I really HAVE to be the Devil’s man and attempt to kill Jesus Christ and cook him…"all trussed up like a pig on a spit!"…eating his flesh for sustenance.  For now, I will use my mad iMac remote skills to ensure that ALL the rich white people will be spared from the Rapture while I, with the help of my inter-racial lover, make like Robert Neville, and kill every last vampire and zombie on the Godless Earth to ensure a new chapter in unnatural, prolonged human survival.  It’s called Hell on Earth and it’s a warning to you, my unmarried Godless friends, that the Rapture is eminent, unless you leave the rich Christian white alone to interbreed a race of mayonnaise-tinted, Megalomaniacs that travel first class.

The Testimony of a non-faith-based viewer (Part 1 of 1: Activate Jammer!)

Personally, I like my God-Fiction with the best possible use of a Friends Church Multi-Purpose Room...something like the Passenger Cabin of an Airplane…so naturally, this movie has blessed me with many gifts.  At least they converted the Bathroom to the Airplane’s Cock-pit (the greatest single achievement of this film). Beyond that, I’m at a loss…Jeff Fahey’s chest-hair is this movie’s equivalent of The Ring of Power.

Long live Gary Daniels and Eric Roberts, who marginalize themselves in Society as "B- Actors" (even sometimes as twin False Prophet’s), revealing the Truth to those who look with open eyes.  The Truth that Christians, like all dogmatic groups, are kept afloat by “business men, not suicide bombers” (Subtext: business men, not Muslims).

A couple more things I learned from The Mark:

-When 10’s of thousands of people are missing, many of them are bound to be children.

-Butt sex is ok as long as it’s a Mexican (posing as a Redneck) ramming a Wannabe British Stripper (posing as a slutty Thai Stewardess) while the pair enjoys a 2-hour parachute decent to “Hell” (on Earth)

-The Mark aka Global Socialism Multi-Purpose Room Flight Simulator aka The Hand-Job Center: Home of the Dirty Foreigners aka The Long Overdo Rape of James Dobson

Attn: Scheer, Mantzoukas, & Diane Raphael

Gary Busey is a corrupt billionaire who dies and goes to purgatory where the angels send him back to Earth as a Pomeranian contracted to do good deads before he can get into heaven.

And now for the DVD bonus feature interview with Mr. Busey explaining the movie Quigley in his own words, detailing all its rich themes, its endless target audience and the similarities between "Gary Busey the man" and "Gary Busey the Pomeranian Purgatory Pup"

Now I realize that 1) HTGM doesn't really care to ponder the production intricacies of movies that really pale in comparison to greater conundrums, 2) the half ass formatting and design of my blog and blog entries pale greatly in comparison to even the most laughable depths of global blogging, and 3) ahhhh what the Hell...you guys heard me at Bell House loud and clear...Connie Nielsen is Danish, not Dutch!  The waking world needs more Gary Busey...hence why myself along with 3 friends silk-screened an outline of Gary Busey's cigar-smoking face on T-shirts 12 years ago in High School and proudly strutted the Southern California open-air halls adored with the face of a hero!

nation stands against him, he's your brother

hope my friend gets me this for Christmas

Message from the Baptismal Abyss

Whatever the smooth

interruption begs my heart

and the slogging beasts torture the flow from within

tearing windows in my soul 

Coping out, is the great mover 

and Equations not needed

Our heroine in flux

cheese and crackers tonight

and disease on the rise

with that indiscriminating Force pleading: 

"Change your course and dive like feather

you are under the cover of time

but pain is nukes...

duke em and rule again."

If I please...

but without you I am backwards pointless conundrum bones.

Cadence is illicit art for another time

Where the Smooth rides bitch...

and Soul rides shotgun 

with Heart behind the wheel

A gasp brought upon slowly is mere introspection

and its last laugh lies lazily 

abound the dark sea

clinging to energy for a savior 

and she sparkles when clutched pain free

free like unknown maritime depths 

where Evolution crumbles 

about face to her Truth

which scorns:

"Don't tempt me

in the calmest of moments

I choose the 10th string

and rest also 

with silky blanket

also romantic

a weekender on a country drive."

and the Aliens rejoice

but soon find little proof of gender, race, religion, sex.

Elysium is illicit art for another time

Where the Smooth picks dewy crisp brambles...

and Soul extracts honey from the hive

with Heart guzzling the crystal gulch.

When the monsters attack 

I become shopworn disgusting green goop 

stuck on the preface of communication

Slogging beasts skip my jugular

and Infinity's unborn child is being 

annihilated by my vice

Oh Hi Everybody!

The last line in The Room is:
I fed up with the Wuurrrrld. God...forgive me.
This is suicide mumbo-jumbo in typical fashion
But is this movie really about a suicide?
Is it really about anything?
In Tommy's mind, yes.
That's why it's resonated as the worst ever, because of the gravity of realness that the movie envelopes paired with every aspect of it being strictly awful.
But in Tommy's mind.
But in Tommy's mind.
I've often thought who is Wiseau?

1) Is he just an idiot savant...a fool we use for entertainment and leave it at that?

2) Is he that rare order of artist duping us all through genius (and/or Time Travel)?

3) Is he an alien occupying a (sort of) human-looking body?

I think I know now that 3 is rulled out.  I've watched the Room enough times to know it wasn't made by someone that grew up under a completely alien set of environmental conditions.  I also feel inclined to rule out 1, for Tommy may be the actor in the roll, but he's no idiot.  I long thought that these 3 options would suffice as options but now I found myself left with only 2 and it does not define Wiseau.  He's sure duping us but not intentionally.  He's not an idiot, but he is extraordinarily odd and I believe that he has made a conscious decision to commit societal suicide, by embracing his true self.  Problem is that his "True Self" bears most resemblance to the "Idiot Savant" or "Autistic Savant" that has been evolving in meaning through time.  How does someone who has touched such a core with humanity and brought them together the way he did completely on his own get slapped with such labels?  Think about it fans.  "I fed up with the Wuurrrrld. God...forgive me."  What is real to Wiseau?  His suicide is to be stuck in this roll that we view him in.  Most of us will never even begin to see something more than an idiot savant being laughed at while we join in.  But a few of us will know that he has committed societal suicide, in other words his roll in society is not his own but one all of us have given him and he's found a way to embrace that.  I think most people just go crazy (Whatever that means), but Tommy has decided to relate to people but in the roll of the odd idiot that keeps us entertained.  He's more than that, just like all people are more than what they appear.  Remember that fans.

A Scanner Darkly meets Aaron Sorkin

HMFMH

Hai Shower Darkly with Glory Humane...

Moving at Light-speed is a pun on existence... 

Figuring shit out must be endless.

Moving at Light-speed is a pun on existence.

Hai Shower Darkly with Glory Humane.

Moving Phototroupism: The Best Worst Movies to Enjoy

Today's Entry...
Battlefield Earth
Year: 2000
Director: Roger Christian
Writer: Corey Mandell & J.D. Shapiro (Screenplay), L. Ron Hubbard (Novel (?))
Notable Stars: John Travolta, Barry Pepper, Forest Whitaker, Kim Coates (Find Them! Kill Them! Now!)
6 Degrees of The Apple: (*This one’s a 3-way connection because it’s simply too awesome) The Apple was directed by Menahem Golan who also directed Over the Top starring Sylvester Stalone who directed Staying Alive starring John Travolta and also Finola Hughes who got her start as a dancer in The Apple.
Shit Stain Status: 100% Shitty (Ubiquitously soiled through by the bane of humanity…2 Kardashians & Chet Stetman’s Cup)
Description: Constantly referenced as the worst movie ever, Battlefield Earth is certainly in the mix due to its rare combination of project scale, critical panning, and entertaining laughability.  The debate is useless as there are too many movies of varying production value and accessibility out there that were all made by complete dildos.  What isn’t useless is Battlefield Earth itself, which resonates properly among lovers of unfathomable shit as a classic bad movie.  Complete with a 9ft-tall John Travolta Alien speaking 18th-Century English, diarrhea-colored jail slop coming out of giant vacuum tubes, “lowly Clinko language slave” learning computers, flight simulator CGI that is reminiscent of NeoGeo graphics, and lines such as “Crap lousy ceiling! I thought I told you to get some man-animals in here to fix this!,” this movie has everything you could ever want when attempting to answer the time old question: Were these guys serious?...High?...Or Aliens?